zzzzz.....Sleep Deprivation

Two nights ago we probably had the worst night since we brought Ethan home. Chris was on night duty, because I had to work the next day and he was off. Even though he was technically the "night dutier", I still got ZERO sleep.  Ethan would wake up crying, Chris would pick him up, Ethan would calm, Chris would put him back down, Ethan would scream. This was the pattern all night long. Until about 3:30 when Chris fed him. Then he slept until about 6:30.  I think we let him get a nap in too late (7:00) and he was confused and was in nap mode all night long. Usually after 5:30 there are no more naps and bed time is 8:00, if not before, and we wake him up at 10:30 for his last bottle. Ethan sleeps in our room in a pack and play so when he is awake, we are usually both awake.

There are some days when I feel we are making absolutely no progress in the sleep department (for instance the night I spoke of above). I've read all these sleep training books and I've attempted some of the methods, but with what feels like no success. Cry it out was the first one I tried, needless to say that lasted one nap. Hated that method. I hated hearing Ethan scream for thirty minutes. It was pure torture. And the outcome was a nap for thirty minutes. SOOOO not worth it in my book. I did get lots of good info on his sleep cycles out of that book. Definitely shed some light on what Ethan was going through and what his body was doing. Recently I've read the no cry sleep solution book and I like some of the pointers it gives. But a lot of the pointers are aimed towards breast feeding mothers. I've kind of taken advice from all the books I've read and just made my own plan of attack. Currently when he starts rooting around I'll reinsert paci and pat his bottom a couple of times and say shhhh shhh and it pretty much works every time. Some days the patting is minimum, and others it feels like I'm patting him every three minutes. I'm hoping he grows out of this and I won't still be patting his bottom at the age of one. :) I know with time and once he gets his sleep cycles figured out it will get better, until then we'll just pat away.

Sometimes Our Problems Aren't So Big

As a newborn, I think Ethan had every "minor" problem there could possibly be. But these minor problems were HUGE for us newbie parents. First we did the formula battle. Which formula would work for my boy? Well after changing formulas SIX times, we have found one we like (Nutramigen), but I'm still not sure it's the best. We never went to soy, because after changing formulas so many times I was ready to settle on one. Ethan was extremely colicky. There were days when Ethan would scream bloody murder all day and there was nothing we could do to soothe him. Chris and I would literally pass him back and forth all day long just trying and hoping one of us could work some magic the other couldn't. Ethan would be completely passed out for ten minutes and out of nowhere he would start screaming again. My new bundle of joy also had bad reflux. We would feed him and two hours later we'd lay him on his back and he'd start spitting up. The doctor recommended to keep him upright for at least thirty minutes after feeding, which we did, but it never mattered. As soon as he was laid flat it was coming back up. During feedings he would scream and arch his back, and burping was the absolute pits! The doctor finally put us on Zantac, which has seemed to help. He no longer does the spitting up all the time, but he is still a tiny terror during feeding. I haven't quite figured out if it's the reflux or his temper. Ethan is a spitting image of his daddy, but we both agree he has my temper. :) He's a firecracker for sure. I can not tell you how many times I cried with Ethan during those first three trialling months. It was pure misery for everybody involved. One of our biggest pet peeves were people who had perfect little newborns who slept all night and had no reflux or colic or formula intolerance. I think we had enough crying for three newborns. Chris and I wanted three kids before our sweet Ethan entered this world, now we're questioning that. I personally think we will forget about this in a year. (Not necessarily saying we'll be ready for another kid in a year.) Then I can always look back on this blog for a friendly reminder of how bad it was. We did make it through this storm and definitely became a stronger family for it.

For the last couple of days on Facebook numerous of my friends have posted for prayers for a four month old girl who had enterovirus who was fighting for her life. Today she lost her fight and the Lord called her to be with Him. I can not even begin to imagine the pain this family is feeling. Just when I think all of the problems I listed above were so bad, it's things like this that open my eyes. What we went through is NOTHING compared to what this family is facing. I pray we never have to walk in their shoes. I honestly believe one of the hardest things to ever deal with is losing a child. Tonight I will hold my child a little closer and say a few extra "I love you's".

A catch up on photos

My little angel growing big

Ethan is a spitting image of his daddy. 

Getting cleaned up so mommy & daddy can see him

Our E squared

Ethan got this name from my sweet little nine year old niece. She has always called me "E" because when she was little she couldn't ever pronounce my whole name, Brandi, so she just picked up on the ending. When she found out Ethan's name and realized it started with an E, she said "It's E squared!" And so it is.

My journey through motherhood

Well, it's official. I am now a mommy blogger. Y'all get to hear about all of my crazy adventures.

My little one is almost four months old (one week away). He is my whole world. I was not one of those mothers that "it just came natural to." I actually had to work at being a mommy & let me tell you...it's a hard job. But definitely the most rewarding job ever! Pretty much everything I expected to go as planned didn't. I wanted to have a natural birth, didn't happen. I wanted to breast feed, didn't happen. So the first week of my little one being here I felt completely defeated. From the day your little one enters this world, you want nothing but the absolute best for them and I felt like he wasn't getting the best because my body couldn't handle it. I dealt with fear that my sweet bundle of joy wouldn't bond with me because I had a c-section and didn't get to hold him until two hours later. I dealt with guilt over not breastfeeding, feeling I wasn't going to be able to give my baby all the benefits breast milk offers. Needless to say all my worries were for nothing, we have an amazing bond and he is as healthy and happy as he could possibly be. I also dealt with postpartum depression on top of all the guilts and fears I had. But we (my husband, baby, & I) all survived and now are truly enjoying our little family.