My run in with a step ladder

The first couple of weeks in the little house has brought about MANY stories. From an incident on a step ladder, to a robber's cell phone ringing outside my house. Today I will tell the story of the step ladder.

When we moved into the house there was a two step step ladder already in the house. I'm not really sure where it came from or who left it, but it became very helpful in my move. I used it to put stuff in the kid's closet (singular- one closet), I used it to put things in cabinets- it was my go to to reach anything high. Eventually I got everything put up and I folded the ladder away. After being in the house for about a week I decided I needed my Keurig from the top of my kitchen cabinets (and of course Chris was at work). I had put it up there because I had read somewhere the K-cups aren't BPA free and would give you cancer..blah blah blah. But the dang thing is so convenient and I was having a moment of weakness and in need of quick coffee- especially after moving a 1600 square foot house into a 900 square foot house. That alone can test anybody's inner strength and sanity. So I popped open that handy little ladder I had found and began climbing. First step- good. Second step- not so much. That dang ladder scissor opened so fast and bent me into an L going down the cabinet. Along the way I hit my neck directly on the curve of the counter top and was literally gasping for air. I have never in my life been hit that hard in my throat. So what do I do? It's 8:00 in the morning- who would be awake, who would be awake?! My dad, my neighbor. He is an early riser and is ALWAYS up by 8:00. Call him. No answer. Really?! In my head I was going to die right there, left for my boys to find when they realized Mommy had been gone a little too long. I start playing horrible scenarios in my head. Ok, ok who was the next on my in case of emergency call list- my mom. Ring. Ring. Ring. You've reached the voicemail box of…. Shoot! Yep, I was going to die right then and there gasping for air like a fish out of water. I didn't want to have to do it, but I was left with no other option…..I called Chris at the fire station. Squalling and balling. As I'm squalling and gasping for air at the same time Chris asked what in the world  has happened. I informed him there has been a horrible accident and I've really hurt myself and I might not make it. He informs me that I'm talking so that's a good sign that I probably won't die. He talked me through the hysteria and back to sanity. After I came back down to planet Earth and realized my airway wasn't going to swell shut I had to go investigate the little ladder situation. Any ladder I have ever been on just pops open and locks on its own, not this one. After you pop it open there is a latch you have to actually latch in order for it to not scissor open once you get to the second step. Dumbest ladder concept EVER! Somebody should be punched in the face for that one. The ladder now resides in my Daddy's shed. It was about two seconds from going to the dump, until my Dad rescued it (he's a hoarder). When I woke up the next morning I had zero voice and googled trauma to the neck with loss of voice. Good ole Google informed me I needed to seek immediate medical care- a little late for that. I decided if I was still hoarse by the end of the day I'd go to a  Quick Care. Luckily, my voice returned that afternoon and I avoided the doctor. The ladder and I have split ways, but it has taught me to never expect anything out of a ladder. Now I do four point safety inspections before I get on any ladder.