Monday, September 17, 2012

Hit the Wall

This isn't one of my humorous/full of laughs blog posts. This is a blog from the heart. I feel as a Mommy/parent I am expected to be perfect at my job, for goodness sake- I have another life depending on it. I am on this Earth to teach my child. Teach him to eat. Teach him to sleep. Teach him to communicate. Teach him to roll/crawl/walk. Teach him and guide him in the story of life. I only want the best for my child. And in that journey I have learned it's okay to feel defeated every now and then. This weekend was my temporary (keyword) moment of defeat. 

Last night I hit the wall. The wall of desperation. The wall of desperation to feel like that perfect parent.

We had a super duper extra long weekend. A weekend full of tears, both on mine and E's part. Saturday was full of tears on E's part. Poor boy's teeth were giving him hell. In turn I worked, to no avail, to make E happy. Chris went to work at 3:00 for twenty-four looooooooonnnnnnng hours. E and his sore gums were left 100% in my hands. He cried in my arms for 45 minutes (post Tylenol, post Ibuprofen). Frozen teething toys didn't work. Nothing worked. I felt completely helpless that I couldn't make my baby happy. E had a total of about one hour of happiness the whole day. So out of character for him.  Somehow we both managed to survive Saturday. 

On to Sunday. Sunday was better, but E still wasn't himself and was still a lot of work. I decided it would be a good ideal if we got out of the house, even if for just an hour. Target it was. Where else do you go to kill time? In hopes to raise my child's spirits I bought THREE new toys for him, and he loved them all. At 3:00 daddy made his return (Thank you Jesus!). Sunday night after E went to bed I met my breaking point. I don't know if it was just the overall relief and realization that backup was there or the fact that I wasn't alone anymore. I've realized over the last nine months how truly lonely it gets when Chris goes to work. Before I became a Mommy, the nights Chris went to work I would hang out with my girlfriends. Very rarely did I just stay home. I was quite the busy body. I love being around people. Now it's just E and me.  Socializing with a nine month old just isn't quite the same. Don't get me wrong, I WOULDN'T change a thing about my little homebody life now, but it does get lonely. I think one of my personal hurdles right now is learning how to deal with that loneliness. Maybe I'll find a hobby. Maybe I'll schedule more playdates. Maybe I'll make more trips to the firestation. One thing I know is I can't keep going to Target, because I will end up broke and living in a box. Needless to say after having an exhausting Saturday and lonely Sunday I threw a complete and total pity party, my hubby wiped away my tears and reassured me that this too shall pass. That E does love me. Yes, I thought for a brief moment in time that E might not love me. I think it was just some random thought thrown in a huge pile of overwhelming emotions. Have I ever mentioned how much I love Chris? He always knows how to make me feel better. Life isn't perfect and it isn't supposed to be. I have to learn to take the good and the bad and make something great (E)! 

Here are some funny moments out of the weekend....always let the good outweigh the bad :)

E being all zombie like. Trying to rip Mr. Turtle's face off.

E chewing on Mommy's "decorative" fall towels. Funny part, Mommy doesn't even care! Can you tell we're teething yet?

My two little beggars. 

Too bad he's not big enough for chores. Little boy loves the dishwasher.

A semi-rainy overcast day is perfect for swinging.
Notice fingers in mouth?

E falling asleep on me, by far the sweetest thing on this Earth.

Making Daddy proud. Checking out what he wants to purchase next. 

The itty bitty hands that hold my heart.

Who knew wipes could be so dang entertaining?!

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